Austwick Community Players Report 2012

‘UNDER STARTERS ORDERS’

The cast excelled themselves

A must see with so much laughter

the performance was a triumph for everyone a brilliant evening

the show was great fun and hilarious entertainment.

These are just a few of the genuine comments that have been written by audience members following the 2012 performances by the Austwick Community Players.

The fun begins when the Olympic games are relocated to Austwick due to the stadium in London being washed away in a flood.  Austwick Mayor, Boris Morris, and his team of 4 helpers then formed the Cuckoo Olympic Committee for Overall Planning, or COCOP in short, to organise and host the games. The COCOP Broadcasting Service kept spectators informed of happenings, and Anton Dec interviewed members from each team as they arrived, including Bruce Billabong from Worragorra, an Aussie single sculls rower, German rifle shooter, Helga, and Russian shot-putter Titlana Shemaleover who, following a leg injury during her throw for gold, was found out to actually be Big-Boy-Ivan!

Questions were raised whether Austwick’s septic tanks could cope with the increase of all the spectators and athletes, could the mayor keep his hands to himself, would the Queen’s motorcade get down Crummackdale when Johnny Booth’s cows were coming in for milking, and would the synchronised swimmers drown?

The Olympic torch was brought into the stadium by the Church of England’s Quickest Canon, the Vicar of Austwick, and Britain went on to win more gold medals than any other country, mostly due to events taking on a Dale’s theme, ie the triathlon involved milking, dry stone walling and silo-ing, and the fencing competitors being given wire and fence posts and the winner was the one who built the longest fence. There was synchronised sheep shearing, the Three Peaks Fell Race and the pairs pigeon shooting.

The Show involved (loosely, of course) romance, paternity issues, heroism, patriotism, advancements in medical science and blatant corruption from the President of the Olympic Committee!

Written, choreographed, staged and performed by the local post-mistress, beautican, health & safety consultant, teacher, photographer, vet and farmers, and with singing, flag-waving, colourful costumes, audience participation, action, great fun and hilarity and gold medals galore, the Show really did go faster, higher and longer than ever before!

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